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Beleaguered parents will breath sighs of relief and gratitude over this bestselling guide to raising teenagers
In this revised edition, Dr. Anthony E. Wolf tackles the changes in recent years with the same wit and compassion as the original edition. Dr. Wolf points out that while the basic issues of adolescence and the relationships between parents and their children remain much the same, today's teenagers navigate a faster, less clearly anchored world. Wolf's revisions include a new chapter on the Internet, a significantly modified section on drugs and drinking, and an added piece on gay teenagers.
Although the rocky and ever-changing terrain of contemporary adolescence may bewilder parents, Get Out of My Life gives them a great road map.
- Sales Rank: #5819 in Books
- Brand: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
- Published on: 2002-08-01
- Released on: 2002-08-21
- Ingredients: Example Ingredients
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.29" h x .65" w x 5.47" l, .49 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 240 pages
- Great product!
Amazon.com Review
This is a survival guide for parents who find themselves marooned among volatile and incomprehensible aliens on Planet Teen. Area maps cover the obvious ground--there are chapters on school, sex, suicide, and so on--but it's the title of Chapter 2, "What They Do and Why," that best captures the book's spirit and technique. Anthony Wolf's modus operandi is not so much to make pronouncements about what parents should do, as to explain adolescent behavior in a way that's bound to leave parents with a changed view of the plausible options. Wolf is a clinical psychologist, and his writing is clear--even witty--and he doesn't resort to jargon. The expository text is punctuated with snatches of illustrative dialogue, which serve as concrete examples and help parents learn how to see, anticipate, and avoid "bad strategies." (One key mistake is getting dragged into no-win conflicts instead of having the wisdom to shut up at the moment when shutting up would be most effective--albeit the least satisfying--thing to do.) There are also some nicely tongue-in-cheek samples of "ideal" communication--the stuff we imagine might get said if only we were better parents. After one such rosily cooperative and considerate interchange between a father and his adolescent son, Wolf offers the following two-edged comfort: "The above conversation has never happened. Never. Not in the whole history of the world." Message: Parenting adolescents is inherently difficult. Don't judge your efforts by otherworldly standards. --Richard Farr
From Publishers Weekly
This updated edition (a chapter on gay and lesbian teenagers and the ramifications of the electronic world have been added) will be as useful to parents as the 1992 version. Wolf, a clinical psychologist who works with adolescents (Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce? And When Can I Get a Hamster?), clearly has a feel for both the angst of young people who must deal with an evermore complex world and the difficulties parents face when a cooperative loving child morphs into a teenager who lies, talks back and avoids parental company. Humorous and insightful, Wolf describes what is, rather than what mothers and fathers of rebellious and thoughtless adolescents wish would be. He is forthright in stating that "you do not win the battle for control with teenagers... usually the best you get is imperfect control." Despite the best efforts of parents, today's adolescents frequently drink, experiment with drugs and are sexually active. According to the author, however, it is still important to have rules even though a teenager may break them. If parents clearly state their expectations of behavior and restate them when a teen disobeys, their son or daughter will, to some extent, internalize the rules and abide by them sometimes. In addition to providing excellent advice on particular situations, including divorce, school problems and stepparenting, he makes the often obnoxious manner in which teens communicate with their parents understandable as a rite of passage that they will eventually outgrow.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
Review
“Funny, sound, and compassionate, Get Out of My Life will truly help you talk with your kids and not get mad . . .” ―Beth Winship, The Boston Globe
“Get Out of My Life has Spock's common sense, the insight of Freud, and the wit of Bombeck. I welcome this book.” ―Dorothy Zeiser, Ph.D., Chairman, Department of Child Study
Most helpful customer reviews
161 of 162 people found the following review helpful.
Wolf's writing is wonderful and his advice is genuine.
By A Customer
Anthony E. Wolf has added another parenting guide to his list of help books. -Get Out Of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl To The Mall? offers advice and much needed assistance to parents who are raising teenagers. Wolf describes today's adolescents as the "new teenager who are different than teenagers of previous generations and many parents are finding them almost impossible to deal with. They are bolder, less obedient, and their world is much more threatening and complicated. Therefore, the parents of today's "new teenagers" need to alter their parenting skills to be better equipped to handle such matters and Wolf's book can help. Most adults view teenagers as immature robots of disobedience who are merely trying to be difficult and miserable. But Wolf describes adolescents and their behavior in ways which make them seem much more needy of their parents love, guidance, and compassion. Wolf's book does not administer a list of rules of what to do and what not to do when raising a teenager. Instead he offers a variety of real life situations and he suggests methods parents may use to deal with these issues. . And, if there is no solution, as is the case in some of the situations, Wolf is not afraid to say so. Also, Wolf goes beyond just describing these situations. He gets behind the problem and explains why teenagers act the way that they do. His words act as a translator for the very foreign language of teenage behavior and very often his descriptions make their behavior seem much less despicable and much more comprehendible. Wolf covers such areas as parental decision making, lying teenagers, confrontation and how parents should handle it, teenagers who continually break rules, and methods parents should use to make rules. Wolf also addresses more modern issues like divorce, parenting alone, sex, suicide, and alcohol and drug use. Wolf does a wonderful job of assuring the parent that it is o.k. if they make mistakes while raising their teenagers. He is sure to remind his readers that adolescence is a stage and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Most importantly, Wolf offers assurance to parents that their efforts during these teenage years, however fruitless they may seem at the time, are crucial. Through his writing Wolf speaks to the hearts of parents without using a preachy or condescending tone. His advice is genuine and his concern is real. `Get Out Of My Life' is a loving and compassionate guide to understanding today's teenagers. This book helps not only parents, but anyone who is involved with teenagers, truly understand their lives and not feel so angry at them all the time. Wolf offers his advice in a funny, easy to understand, real life, sensitive way, which draws the reader in and makes these difficult years seem much more survivable. He expels the monster image of adolescence that many people carry and replaces it with a much more lovable image that is needy of their parents attention. I applaud Wolf's work and strongly suggest it to anyone dealing with today's youth.
165 of 180 people found the following review helpful.
Where are the consequences?
By VRhodes
After several recommendations by friends with teens, I've almost finished this book after a couple of days of reading. Helpful points include the reminders to not engage in pointless arguments and to state my position clearly and concisely and not to lecture. My problem with the book is the lack of any apparent consequences for bad behavior. Teen comes in an hour past curfew? Re-state the appropriate curfew time and move on. Teen lies about grades on homework? Overlook the lie and re-state expectations about homework. Teen calls parent a f-ing b*tch? Ignore the name calling and remain silent. While I agree it creates ongoing conflict to call kids out on these behaviors and punish them, I think that is a necessary part of the landscape and to think otherwise is unrealistically permissive.
76 of 84 people found the following review helpful.
Defusing parental anger
By V Helmbreck Mascitti
After raising two and a half teens (my older kids are in their 20s, my youngest is 13) I have to admit that very few childrearing books prepared me for the insanity of the teenage years. Except this one.
I don't think the book is that magic bullet guide we all thought must exist somewhere. But Wolf's observations and suggestions are among the most realistic and common sense ideas I found. He suggests we learn to live with the ultimate reality of kids: They are individuals who will, in the end, do what they want. This doesn't mean their parents should give up or give in. It also doesn't mean that our standards of behavior can't be high or consistent. We must only be willing to acknowledge that they will not always be met and that this process is crucial to growing up.
I found this approach took much of the anger and frustration out of parenting for me. I stopped seeing my kids' resistance to rules and instruction as a personal rejection of my life, my hard work and my ideas. Rather, I came to see it as their own exploration of the world by testing the limits of behavior. Many of the most valuable lessons they learned came from the mistakes I would have liked to have prevented -- but didn't. Teaching them that just because they broke a rule didn't mean that the rule changed or my love for them was somehow diminished helped us all survive without losing our self esteem or respect.
In the long run, learning how to balance guidelines and freedom is the trick of being a parent. Being a rigid authoritarian may feel like the right thing to do at times, but short-term cooperation is no substitute for longterm responsibility and respect for the individuals our children will be -- no mater how well or how badly we raise them.
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