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Essential advice from the author of the bestselling Get Out Of My Life
Today's children--from toddlers to preteens--challenge their parents in ways that would have been unthinkable a generation ago, notes Anthony E. Wolf, and parents are often uncertain about how to cope.
In his new book, Wolf presents a fresh perspective on this less pleasant behavior and a surprisingly simple method for dealing with it. He argues that punishments and rewards don't work and may even be counterproductive. Instead, parents must act swiftly and decisively following Wolf's easy but powerful technique. Using numerous examples of effective and ineffective parent-child interactions, he offers practical advice on a wide range of basic issues, from tantrums and back talk, to getting kids off to school in the morning and eliminating sibling fights.
Humorous and easy to use, The Secret of Parenting is guaranteed to dramatically increase the joy parents get from raising their children.
- Sales Rank: #432045 in Books
- Published on: 2000-09-01
- Released on: 2000-09-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .58" w x 5.50" l, .54 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 256 pages
From Publishers Weekly
In this eminently practical and often humorous volume, Wolf outlines a system for putting the brakes on such unpleasant behavior as whining, temper tantrums and sibling rivalry. Beginning with a firm stance against harsh punishment ("Parents have great power with their children, separate from any leverage based on fear. They just need to learn how to use what they have"), he explains the difference between what he terms the "baby self" and the "mature self" and demonstrates how to deal with "baby self" behavior calmly, firmly and consistently. Using an abundance of realistically scripted examples, he covers a laundry list of topics, such as "NoAHow to Say It," "Picking Up Rooms" and "I Won't/You Can't Make Me." His commonsensical, non-reactive approach to discipline will resonate with any parent struggling to curb misbehavior in their children. Peppered throughout with the author's own whimsical cartoons and wry asides (after describing a theoretical child's angelic response to a disciplinary tactic, for instance, he notes "there is an unconfirmed story that on March 18, 1977, a child from Cedar Rapids, Iowa, responded in this manner"), this book distills Wolf's 30 years of wisdom and experience as a clinical psychologist. It could easily be subtitled Parenting 101. (Sept.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
“Dr. Wolf has the best ear of anyone listening to kids today.” ―Pamela Abrams, editor in chief of Child, on Why did you have to get a divorce?
About the Author
Anthony E. Wolf, Ph.D., is a practicing clinical psychologist. He has worked with children and adolescents for thirty years and lectures frequently on parenting topics. He lives in Suffield, Connecticut.
Most helpful customer reviews
24 of 25 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent advice, but borrows heavily from Jeremy
By Maddi Hausmann
If you have not read any of Anthony Wolf's books, and you are looking for a great book on parenting, you've found it. Wolf's advice is straightforward, logical, and reasonably easy to implement. But if you bought _It's No Fair, Jeremy Spencer Gets to Stay Up All Night_, this one won't teach you much more. _Secrets of Parenting_ borrows heavily from _It's No Fair_, to the point that there's no need for both of them.
The kernel of Wolf's approach toward dealing with children is in handling the I Want You Now personality. His descriptions of typical childhood behavior ring true to anyone who has children. Ever have your child playing quietly in the same room until you pick up the phone, and then s/he needs you to help RIGHT AWAY? Wolf will explain why this happens. Better yet, he'll tell you how to handle this so it won't keep happening.
His advice on handling bad behavior is for you to become a Robo-parent. It completely disconnects the I Want You Now behavior, because it doesn't engage. Robo-parent deals with the child, no muss, ignore the fuss, and very soon your child learns that tantrums and stickiness don't succeed. While I can't always tamp down my emotions to turn into Robo-parent, it's good to have a strategy that WILL WORK.
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
I can't say enough good things about this book!
By Patty Campbell
This book saved my life. Absolutely, hands-down, the best advice ever given. Dr. Wolfe dishes out logical and practical solutions to everyday problems and manages to keep the book funny. It's a quick read and very enlightening.
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Why didn't we find this book sooner?!
By AL
As parents of a 9 and 7 year old who can be quite challenging, we have read MANY parenting books. The Strong Willed Child, Nurture by Nature, 123 Magic, the list goes on. None of them were very helpful. I halfheartedly started reading this book and was blown away by the first couple chapters. The description of the "baby self" explained SO much and made me feel like maybe I wasn't failing as a parent after all. It just makes so much sense. We've only been using the method for about a week but so far it's like magic. My kids, who are incredibly stubborn and persistant, really do stop their behavior when we don't "feed" the baby self, and they are much more content. My daughter was actually running around the house yelling "I'm happy! I'm happy!" yesterday. I am thrilled to have found the book, but sad that I didn't find it a few years ago. My house is so much more peaceful now and I have high hopes that it will stay that way.
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